


Sirius Black

by polverine



Series: After Azkaban [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25068178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polverine/pseuds/polverine
Summary: His name was Sirius Black. It was the only name he would ever have, and that name had been ruined.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Series: After Azkaban [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790506
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Sirius Black

Sirius had settled in the Benissa mountains for a few days, he’d move further south soon, but he wanted to give Buckbeak a break. Sirius walked to the mouth of the cave and stretched, the sun was so warm on his skin, and he was alone but for the occasional hiker he had to hide from. He’d thought of suggesting this place for his and Marlene’s honeymoon — if she’d said yes, of course — well not necessarily this place exactly, but somewhere on the Costa Blanca. They could've found a nice apartment for a few weeks, have walked together along the beaches, dined in quaint little restaurants. They could have had a few weeks where they weren’t fighting for their lives…blended into the Muggle world and just shut out reality. Just for a few weeks, they could have enjoyed the sunshine together. He would give anything for those few weeks of happiness. Almost anything. 

“Alright, alright.” He muttered, as the tiny grey owl fluttered around his head, and he retuned to the shade of the cave to finish the letter to Harry. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to tell Harry, but he hadn’t stolen even close to enough parchment for that.

_If you ever need me, send word. Your owl will find me. I’ll write again soon._

Sirius’s hand shook as he went to write his name. It had been so long. It hardly felt like his name any more. It had been taken from him, spoken with fear and hatred and anger. His name had become the moniker of a monster. The wizarding world used it with almost as much disgust and terror as Voldemort’s ignited. 

Marlene would be out of her mind with fury. He was sure of it. If she was alive, if she was here, she would never stand for his name being dragged through the dirt like this. Her belief that he was a good man was one of the strongest things that he had ever known. It was so strong that he could almost feel it now. Marlene had believed in him, in his bravery and courage, in his goodness, and he had felt that every time she had spoken his name. She would have stood up and declared, over and over again, that Sirius Black was innocent. Names had been so important to her, and she had instilled their importance in him. When you had nothing else you had your name…but did he even have that anymore? He could hardly stand to write it down.

Sirius picked up a scrap piece of parchment, hesitated and wrote _Sirius Black_. It hardly even looked like it belonged to him. He returned to Harry’s letter and signed it off: _Sirius._ He turned it over and on the back he wrote 

_P.S. I thought your friend Ron might like to keep this owl, as it’s my fault he no longer has a rat._

He found himself smiling, in spite of himself, at this. He took a fresh bit of parchment and wrote

_I, Sirius Black, Harry Potter’s godfather, hereby give him permission to visit Hogsmeade at the weekends._

His heart ached, he was Harry’s godfather and he’d been gone for so long, absent from his life…and now he was gone again. Harry should be _with him._ It was what James and Lily had wanted. Lily would never have wanted Harry raised by Petunia and her awful husband. But Peter had escaped and he had no way of proving the truth. 

Sirius slipped the two pieces of parchment into the envelope as the owl hooted happily. “Try and reach him before he gets to London, okay?” He watched the tiny owl fly away into the distance until it was out of sight and returned to the scrap of parchment. Beneath his own name he wrote _Marlene McKinnon._ He could feel a sob building in his chest and tried to swallow it back down. His hand shook over the parchment, he could hardly bare to write the next name. The promise of a future that he would never have. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and wrote _Minerva Black._ He never would have won the fight to let her be called McKinnon and have Black die with him. Marlene always got her way. He folded up the small scrap of parchment and slipped it inside the pocket of his robes. He had no photos of Marlene, not unless he returned to Grimmauld Place to collect them…he’d left a whole box of memories there after she’d died. He could also write to Remus, see if he had any to send him. Regardless, he would carry this little slip of parchment around wherever he went. Evidence of a tomorrow that had never arrived. 

For a brief and beautiful moment, believed that his name would be cleared. 

His name was Sirius Black. It was the only name he would ever have, and that name had been ruined.


End file.
